Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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