she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
