Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Houston, we have a blender
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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