You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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