People in love make me want to vomit
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
