He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
