plz talk dirty to me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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