Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
