I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
