things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
