Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
