Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize