hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
