whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
