it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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