my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
