2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
