considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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