Too much gin, very little bucket
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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