I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
