I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
