I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
