either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
