somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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