i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
