Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
