Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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