i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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