Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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