Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
