the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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