You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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