Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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