I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
