He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
