a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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