im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
