Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
