Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize