it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
