I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize