ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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