Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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