i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
