So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Everclear isn't food dammit
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
