Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I sprained my soul last night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize