This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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