I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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