I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she told me i tasted like america
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
