Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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