I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
