Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
