I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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