Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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