He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
