Can Purell be used as lube?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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