Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
