Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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