No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
