...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
