I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
