If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
