well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
