We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
