he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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