wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my shit smells like andre
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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