well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
