you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
